Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Impressions


Pretty much my whole life I wanted to be a writer. And a teacher. My Great Uncle Ralph McInerny was my idol. He was a writer and a professor at the University of Notre Dame. So clearly, that was to be my path.

Ballet was my pastime and my passion. I had a love hate relationship with ballet, but that is a different story. In school, I struggled with math and science. The numbers and concepts overwhelmed my brain. Even now, it can send me into a mini-panic attack.

My English teacher knew I wanted to be a teacher. She overheard the wrong part of a conversation and was offended by what she thought she heard.

My dean, Mr. F., was always encouraging me to go to community college or not go to college at all. Which I took offense to. He knew I took time off from school to travel and perform with a ballet company so one day he took me into his office and suggested I skip college all together and open a dance studio instead. WTF? I had absolutely no interest in opening a dance studio. I had never expressed even an inkling of an interest in doing so.  Even if I continued to be involved in dance, I would likely be an instructor, but owning a studio was not at all what I wanted.

As I was explaining my dean’s advice to my friend, my teacher overheard me say:

“I would rather just be a teacher. That would be way easier!” And then she shot me some dirty looks and told me that teaching was not easy. I tried to explain to her that I was saying I didn’t want to own a dance studio; I would rather just teach at a studio. I am not sure if she believed me.
It is funny how vivid this memory is to me. Even fifteen years later. It really stuck with me. My parents hadn’t gone to college and they instilled in me a desire, a need, to go to college. And I am so happy that I did. I am glad I ignored the advice of Mr. F. who saw my grades in math and science and decided that I should give up before I even start.

The meek and shy little girl I was, I said nothing. Or maybe I mumbled, “But I want to be an English teacher.” And exited Mr. F.’s office with my head hanging and the Charlie Brown sad music playing.

I avoided taking math until my junior year of college. It sounded stupid at the time, to put it off, but I think it helped. It made me more determined and eager to seek out the extra help I needed to pass. And I did. With a B.

I did not become a teacher. I work in an office. I write when I can. I have taught dance in a studio. I teach yoga. I follow my dreams. Take that Mr.F!